„I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.“

„When I hear somebody sigh that "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"“

—  Sydney J. Harris American journalist 1917 - 1986

"Purely Personal Prejudices" http://books.google.com/books?id=DLcEAQAAIAAJ&q=%22When+I+hear+somebody+sigh+that+Life+is+hard+I+am+always+tempted+to+ask+Compared+to+what%22&pg=PA241#v=onepage
Strictly Personal (1953)

„I drink to make other people more interesting.“

—  Ernest Hemingway American author and journalist 1899 - 1961

„Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.“

—  Enid Blyton, libro Five on a Hike Together

Fuente: Five on a Hike Together

„Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.“

—  Erma Bombeck When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and co... 1927 - 1996

„The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.“

—  Steven Wright American actor and author 1955

„I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.“

—  Molly Ivins American journalist 1944 - 2007

„I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.“

—  Oscar Wilde, La importancia de llamarse Ernesto

Gwendolen, Act II
Fuente: The Importance of Being Earnest (1895)

„Indeed I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do.“

—  Oscar Wilde, libro El príncipe feliz y otros cuentos

" The Remarkable Rocket http://www.online-literature.com/wilde/179/".
The Happy Prince and Other Tales (1888)
Variante: Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

„It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.“

—  Muhammad Ali African American boxer, philanthropist and activist 1942 - 2016

As quoted in "Ali's Quotes" at BBC Sport : Boxing (17 January 2007)

„I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.“

—  Winston S. Churchill Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 1874 - 1965

Christopher Soames, speech at the Reform Club (28 April 1981), reported in Martin S. Gilbert, Winston S. Churchill. Volume Eight: Never Despair: 1945–1965. p. 304
Post-war years (1945–1955)
Variante: I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Contexto: [Christopher Soames, Churchill's future son-in-law, remembered] Churchill showing him around Chartwell Farm [around 1946]. When they came to the piggery Churchill scratched one of the pigs and said: I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

„Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.“

—  W.C. Fields actor 1880 - 1946

Fuente: W.C. Fields by Himself

„The road to success is always under construction“

—  Lily Tomlin American actress, comedian, writer, and producer 1939

„I am only human, although I regret it.“

—  Mark Twain American author and humorist 1835 - 1910

„I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.“

—  Mark Twain American author and humorist 1835 - 1910

Variante: I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

„I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly“

—  Peter Cook British architect 1937 - 1995

„I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.“

—  Oscar Wilde Irish writer and poet 1854 - 1900

Fuente: The Happy Prince and Other Stories

„I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.“

—  Groucho Marx American comedian 1890 - 1977

„I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.“

—  Jerome K. Jerome, libro Three Men in a Boat

Variante: I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Fuente: Three Men in a Boat (1889), Ch. 15.
Contexto: It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.

„I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.“

—  Woody Allen American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician 1935

The joke about immortality also appears in On Being Funny (1975)
In an interview in Rolling Stone magazine from April 9, 1987, Allen said "Someone once asked me if my dream was to live on in the hearts of people, and I said I would prefer to live on in my apartment."
Fuente: The Illustrated Woody Allen Reader (1993)