Frases de Josh Billings

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“I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived a man without a single virtew. Even Judas Iskariot "went and hanged himself."”

“If we would all ov us take kare ov our own souls, and let our nabors alone, thare would be less time lost, and more souls saved.”

“"Familiarity breeds kontempt." This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared.”

“The man who pitys everyboddy, wants watching, for the chances are that he iz gitting phatt slily on other peoples misfortunes.”

“If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless."”

“I don't beleaf in bad luck being sot for a man, like a trap, but i hav known lots ov folks, who if thare waz enny fust rate bad luck lieing around loose, would be sure tew git one foot in it enny how.”

“I hav studdyed mi own karakter, and mi own impulses for 39 years clussly, and i kant tell to day (to save a bet) whether i am an honest and trew man or not--if thare iz enny boddy who knows about this matter i wish they would address me a letter, enklosing a postage blister.”

“Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.”

“Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.”

“Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make.”

“Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country.”

“I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.”

“Love is like the measles; we can't have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us.”

“I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.”

“What should we do if it want for the churches? Thare iz a plenty ov people who kant worship God only in a church. If they were out in a field on the Sabbath day they would at once bekum lawless, and fall to digging out woodchucks or hunting for bumblebees' nests.”

“If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else.”

“Cunning iz very apt tew outwit itself. The man who turned the boat over and got under it tew keep out ov the rain, waz one ov this kind.”

“I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men.”

“Poor human natur iz too full ov its own grievances tew have enny pitty to spare,--if yu show a man a big bile on yure arm, he will tell yu he had one twice az big az that, on the same spot, last year.”

“Thare are but dredful phew people who kan talk ten minnits tew yu without lugging into the conversashun their bak or stummuk akes.”

“As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.”

“The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav bin the author ov it.”

“Poverty is the stepmother of genius.”

“I hope i shall never hav so much reputashun that i shan't feel obliged to be alwus civil.”

“Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her as yu have.”

“Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don't serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long.”

“Men are often praized for their sagassity, but all the fore sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it iz broken.”

“The wheel that squeaks the loudest
Is the one that gets the grease.”

“Dangers are sum like a kold bath, very dangerous while you stand stripped on the bank, but often not only harmless, but invigorating, if you pitch into them.”