Frases de P.J. O'Rourke

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“Dar dinero y poder al gobierno es como dar whisky y las llaves del coche a un adolescente.”

“A los políticos les interesa la gente, lo cual no siempre es una virtud. También a las pulgas les interesan los perros.”

“En China no hay forma de conseguir buena comida para llevar a casa y en Cuba los habanos están racionados. Eso es todo lo que necesitas saber sobre el comunismo.”

“Cuando la compra y la venta están controladas por la legislación, lo primero que se compra son los legisladores.”

“Todo el mundo quiere salvar la tierra; nadie quiere ayudar a su madre a lavar los platos.”

“Irritarse por la superpoblación es la forma libre de culpa, incluso santurrona, que tienen los progres de ser racistas.”

“Un poco de gobierno y un poco de suerte son necesarios en la vida, pero sólo un estúpido confía en estas cosas.”

“La naturaleza tendrá sus derechos tan pronto como tenga obligaciones. En el instante en que veamos pájaros, árboles, bichos y ardillas recogiendo basura, dando dinero por caridad y vigilando a nuestros niños en el parque, entonces les dejaremos votar.”

“El impuesto sobre la renta ha creado más criminales que cualquier otro acto del gobierno.”

“Cuando un ente privado no produce los resultados deseados, uno se desprende de él. Pero un ente público se agranda.”

“Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.”

“Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.”

“Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked "What's the big idea?" knows, most big ideas are bad ones.”

“There are probably more fact-finding tours of Nicaragua right now than there are facts— the country has shortages of practically everything.”

“If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.”

“Government subsidies can be critically analyzed according to a simple principle: You are smarter than the government, so when the government pays you to do something you wouldn't do on your own, it is almost always paying you to do something stupid.”

“Ecology is the science of everything. Nobody knows everything. Nobody even knows everything about any one thing. And most of us don't know much. Say it's ten-thirty on a Saturday night. Where are your teenage children? I didn't ask where they said they were going. Where are they really? What are they doing? Who are they with? Have you met the other kids' families? And what is tonight's pot smoking, wine-cooler drinking, and sex in the backseats of cars going to mean in a hundred years? Now extend these questions to the entire solar system.”

“War is a great asshole magnet.”

“Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.”

“Even newlyweds don't spend much time together, now that few marriages outlast the appliance warranties.”

“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”

“The American political system is like a gigantic Mexican Christmas fiesta. Each political party is a huge piñata — a papier-mâché donkey, for example. The donkey is filled with full employment, low interest rates, affordable housing, comprehensive medical benefits, a balanced budget and other goodies. The American voter is blindfolded and given a stick. The voter then swings the stick wildly in every direction, trying to hit a political candidate on the head and knock some sense into the silly bastard.”

“Somalia is so bad that making a mess improves the place.”

“There are two organizations pushing for change in November — al Qaeda and the Democratic party. And they both have the same message: 'We're going to fix you, America.' On the whole, the terrorists have a more straightforward plan for fixing things. They're going to blow themselves up. Although, come to think of it, Howard Dean did that.”

“I wonder how many of the people who profess to believe in the leveling ideas of collectivism and egalitarianism really just believe that they themselves are good for nothing. I mean, how many leftists are animated by a quite reasonable self-loathing? In their hearts they know that they are not going to become scholars or inventors or industrialists or even ordinary good kind people. So they need a way to achieve that smugness for which the left is so justifiably famous. They need a way to achieve self-esteem without merit. Well, there is politics. In an egalitarian world everything will be controlled by politics, and politics requires no merit.”

“There's only one secret to bachelor cooking — not caring how it tastes.”

“She's wrong about absolutely everything, but she's wrong within normal parameters.”

“Violence is interesting. This is a great obstacle to world peace and also to more thoughtful television programming.”

“I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids.”

“No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works.”

“A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty — their power and privilege — to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by … politicians”

“Every generation finds the drug it needs.”

“Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.”

“Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon politicians who have another agenda yet: to cater to the temporary whims and fads of the public and the press.”

“Saigon is like all the other great modern cities of the world. It's the mess left from people getting rich.”

“Marijuana is […] self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?”

“Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.”

“The typical old-fashioned diet was so bad it almost resembled modern dieting.”

“A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.”