Frases de Daniel Handler

página 5

“Y mi paraguas, lo extravié aquel día, ¿dónde está? Sé que lo llevaba por la mañana. Si lo tienes tú, Ed, devuélvemelo, porque me siento perdida sin él en los días lluviosos, aunque ahora estamos en diciembre, así que toca nieve, eso dicen, y un paraguas en una tormenta de nieve es ridículo, como un cinturón de seguridad si no estás en un coche, o un casco si no vas en bicicleta. Lo necesito igual que un pez, una bicicleta o comoquiera que sea el dicho, igual que el café tiene que tomarse solo, igual que a una virgen le hace falta un novio. Hay tantas cosas que nunca recuperaré…”

“No soy una enamorada, soy una tonta”

“No soy diferente, en absoluto, no soy distinta a otra mota cualquiera. Soy una imperfección imperfecta, una ruina ruinosa, unos restos manchados y tan destrozados que soy incapaz de descubrir lo que era antes.
No soy nada, nada de nada”

“¿No lo sabes…? Pero acabas… acabas de gastarte cincuenta y cinco dólares en este libro.
—Lo sé —respondiste—. No pasa nada.
—Pero ¿no sabes por qué?
—Para hacerte feliz —fue lo único que dijiste, y de repente, Ed, tus palabras me dejaron sin respiración.”

“Te ofrecí una aventura, Ed, justo delante de ti, pero tu no fuiste capaz de verla hasta que yo te la mostré, y por eso rompimos”

“Si existe alguna película que, con elegancia e imaginación, profundice en las violentas y delicadas verdades sobre el corazón humano, este humilde crítico aún no la ha descubierto.”

“Descubrí el reverso de la servilleta demasiado tarde, no cuando llegué a casa, ni cuando la guardé en la caja, sino cuando tenía el corazón destrozado y lloroso, cuando ya no era cierto.”

“Qué absolutamente erróneo es pensar que es de otra forma, que una caja de basura es un tesoro, que un chico que sonríe es sincero, que un momento agradable es una vida mejor.”

“Te quise y ahora te devuelvo tus cosas, las saco de mi vida como a ti…”

“Yo me voy con Jordan —dijo Lauren tomando la mitad del taco—. Prefiero no interferir en el festival de tensión sexual que Min y tú estáis disfrutando esta mañana.
—Todas las mañanas —corrigió Jordan.
—Para ti todo es consecuencia de la tensión sexual porque tus padres son el señor y la señora Supercristianos —le dije a Lauren—. Nosotros, los judíos, sabemos que las tensiones subyacentes se deben siempre a un nivel bajo de azúcar en la sangre.
—Sí, bueno, vosotros matasteis a mi Salvador — añadió Lauren, y Jordan se despidió con la mano—. No permitamos que ocurra de nuevo.”

“¿Einstein es homosexual?
- tenía pelo de marica”

“Afernadome a un chico que todo el mundo sabe que es un tarado, un bastardo, un imbecil y un cabron”

“Te devuelvo la sonrisa y aquella noche, te lo devuelvo todo. Ojalá pudiera.”

“Ed, así éramos nosotros, Al y yo. Nunca lo entendiste y yo nunca te conté realmente cómo funcionaba. La madre de Al nos comparó una vez con un viejo matrimonio y se rió cuando Al dijo:"Bueno, mamma, tú debes de saberlo".”

“Tartamudear contigo o incluso dejar de tartamudear y no decir nada era tan hermoso y dulce, mejor que hablar a mil por hora con cualquiera.”

“Te voy a explicar por qué rompimos, Ed. Te voy a contar en esta carta toda la verdad de por qué sucedió. Y la maldita verdad es que te quise demasiado.”

“Y comencé a hacer planes, pensando que llegaríamos tan lejos.”

“Cualquiera que conociese a Violet se hubiera dado cuenta de que estaba pensando intensamente, porque llevaba la larga melena recogida con una cinta para que no se le metiera en los ojos. Violet tenía el don de inventar y construir extraños aparatos, y su cerebro se veía inundado a menudo con imágenes de poleas, palancas y herramientas, y ella no quería que algo tan trivial como su cabello la distrajese.“ —”

“Es inútil que os describa lo mal que se sintieron Violet, Klaus y Sunny el tiempo que siguió. Si habéis perdido a alguien muy importante para vosotros, ya sabéis lo que se siente; y, si nunca habéis perdido nadie, no os lo podéis imaginar.”

“Wedding after wedding after wedding and then yours - your wedding? Would that make you what they're now calling happy?”

“The sad truth is that the truth is sad.”

“God, or somebody, what is it with terrible things? If you made this world why not a better one?”

“Like handshakes, house pets, or raw carrots, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up -- and down -- a range of strange and distressing mountains.”

“South San Francisco The Industrial City is ugly as sin but somebody lives there: Allison, in fact.”

“For Beatrice--When we were together I felt breathless. Now, you are.-Lemony Snicket”

“There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. -Lemony Snicket”

“… the point is, why is there cruelty? Why do people ask other people to do impossible things? why behave this way? why is there mean, when there are better things than mean, love particularly?”

“Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nontheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park.”

“I find you interesting, Joe, so nearly everything you say will be interesting too. I love you. I could say I'm lonely but that's not the only reason.”

“Klaus: Maybe I don't know what "cakesniffer" means, but I think I can translate our new school's motto… If I'm not mistaken, "Memento Mori" means "Remember you will die."”

“I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. -Lemony Snicket”

“"Instead of change, please give me gun so i can shoot you." She is soft-spoken but short and full of rage lately, like her whole life.”

“As the aphorism says, If you have to ask, you can't afford it.”

“Although "jumping to conclusions" is an expression, rather than an activity, it is as dangerous as jumping off a cliff, jumping in front of a moving train, and jumping for joy. If you jump off a cliff, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful landing unless there is something below you to cushion your fall, such as a body of water or an immense pile of tissue paper. If you jump in front of a moving train, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful voyage unless you are wearing some sort of train-proof suit. And if you jump for joy, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful bump on the head, unless you make sure you are standing someplace with very high ceilings, which joyous people rarely do. Clearly, the solution to anything involving jumping is either to make sure you are jumping to a safe place, or not to jump at all.”

“Shyness is a very curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people are any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.”

“What he'd just said was "Who cares?" and nobody wants to hear that.”

“In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.”

“It was a bad day for love.”

“To tell you the truth, I sometimes find it a bit tiresome," Fiona said….”

“All four of them have completely abandoned one another.”

“The world gets grimy and the love object is in stark relief from its surroundings. This is love, a pretty thing on an ugly street and why wouldn't you pick it up if it appeared in a taxi cab.”

“Lemony Snicket: (narrating) Reading poetry, even if you are only reading to find a secret message within its words, can often give one a feeling of power, the way you can feel powerful if you are the only one who brought an umbrella on a rainy day, or the only one who knows how to untie knots when you're taken hostage.”

“Violet: You are being unbearable, with a U!
Klaus: And YOU are being stupid, with an S!
Sunny: Aget! (meaning "Please stop fighting!")”

“If i were a little braver i would have asked her something like, "Do you think Kickass: the movie is a comedy in the traditional, classical sense?" and we could have that conversation and it would lead to other conversations during the flat and lonely times.”

“"When I was crazy." the radio explained, "I thought you were great."”

“At this point in the dreadful story I am writing, I must interrupt for a moment and describe something that happened to a good friend of mine named Mr. Sirin. Mr. Sirin was a lepidoptrerist, a word which usually means "a person who studies butterflies." In this case, however, the word "lepidopterist" means "a man who was being pursued by angry government officials," and on the night I am telling you about they were right on his heels. Mr. Sirin looked back to see how close they were--four officers in their bright-pink uniforms, with small flashlights in their left hands and large nets in their right--and realized that in a moment they would catch up, and arrest him and his six favorite butterflies, which were frantically flapping alongside him. Mr. Sirin did not care much if he was captured--he had been in prison four and a half times over the course of his long and complicated life--but he cared very much about the butterflies. He realized that these six delicate insects would undoubtedly perish in bug prison, where poisonous spiders, stinging bees, and other criminals would rip them to shreds. So, as the secret police closed in, Mr. Sirin opened his mouth as wide as he could and swallowed all six butterflies whole, quickly placing them in the dark but safe confines of his empty stomach. It was not a pleasant feeling to have these six insects living inside him, but Mr. Sirin kept them there for three years, eating only the lightest foods served in prison so as not to crush the insects with a clump of broccoli or a baked potato. When his prison sentence was over, Mr. Sirin burped up the grateful butterflies and resumed his lepidoptery work in a community that was much more friendly to scientists and their specimens.”

“I'm full of hard times today”

“Get out of my way, you cakesniffers! -Carmelita Spats”