Frases de P.J. O'Rourke

“Dar dinero y poder al gobierno es como dar whisky y las llaves del coche a un adolescente.”

“A los políticos les interesa la gente, lo cual no siempre es una virtud. También a las pulgas les interesan los perros.”

“En China no hay forma de conseguir buena comida para llevar a casa y en Cuba los habanos están racionados. Eso es todo lo que necesitas saber sobre el comunismo.”

“Cuando la compra y la venta están controladas por la legislación, lo primero que se compra son los legisladores.”

“Todo el mundo quiere salvar la tierra; nadie quiere ayudar a su madre a lavar los platos.”

“Irritarse por la superpoblación es la forma libre de culpa, incluso santurrona, que tienen los progres de ser racistas.”

“Un poco de gobierno y un poco de suerte son necesarios en la vida, pero sólo un estúpido confía en estas cosas.”

“La naturaleza tendrá sus derechos tan pronto como tenga obligaciones. En el instante en que veamos pájaros, árboles, bichos y ardillas recogiendo basura, dando dinero por caridad y vigilando a nuestros niños en el parque, entonces les dejaremos votar.”

“El impuesto sobre la renta ha creado más criminales que cualquier otro acto del gobierno.”

“Cuando un ente privado no produce los resultados deseados, uno se desprende de él. Pero un ente público se agranda.”

“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”

“In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailing-boat equipment, the gin and tonic.”

“The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners.”

“Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”

“You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.”

“The collegiate idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.”

“One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes.”

“Incidentally, there's a balanced position that all of America's presidential candidates could take on the controversial abortion issue. If they want votes they shouldn't campaign to make abortion illegal or legal. They should campaign to make it retroactive. If a kid reaches 25 and he or she is still jobless, feckless, and sitting around Starbucks acting like a — no offense — European, then whack.”

“Advocating the expansion of the powers of the state is treason to mankind, goddamnit!”

“Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport— two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.”

“I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.”

“In a society where commonweal does not exist, there are no duties, only exactations to be avoided, and no freedoms, only privileges to be grabbed. There can be no such thing as "public services" because nothing in the country is truly public. Everything is somebody's fief. And every fief must be exploited if the exploiter cares to survive.”

“Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.”

“Something is happening to America, not something dangerous but something all too safe. I see it in my lifelong friends. I am a child of the "baby boom," a generation not known for its sane or cautious approach to things. Yet suddenly my peers are giving up drinking, giving up smoking, cutting down on coffee, sugar, and salt. They will not eat red meat and go now to restaurants whose menus have caused me to stand on a chair yelling, "Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, dinner is served!" This from the generation of LSD, Weather Underground, and Altamont Rock Festival! And all in the name of safety! Our nation has withstood many divisions—North and South, black and white, labor and management—but I do not know if the country can survive division into smoking and non-smoking sections.”

“The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.”

“Foreigners may pretend otherwise, but if English is spoken loudly enough, anyone can understand it, the British included. Actually, there’s no such thing as a foreign language. The world is just filled with people who grunt and squeak instead of speaking sensibly. French may be an exception. But since it’s impossible to figure out what French people are saying, we’ll never know for sure.”

“A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should either be nude or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.”

“One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on.”

“Killing innocent people by surprise is not called 'a thousand points of light.' But, as frightening as terrorism is, it's the weapon of losers. The minute somebody sets off a suicide bomb, you can be sure that person doesn't have 'career prospects.' And no matter how horrendous a terrorist attack is, it's still conducted by losers.”

“Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history mankind has been bullied by scum.”

“One thing that's certain about going outdoors: When you come back inside, you'll be scratching.”

“Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with.”

“Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various appendages, and my attitude toward standing on anything higher than, say, political principles, and I have concluded that, personally, I evolved in the backseat of a car.”

“In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.”

“Never serve oysters during a month that has no paycheck in it.”

“Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. So maybe he owes all of us an apology…”

“Traffic was like a bad dog. It wasn't important to look both ways when crossing the street; it was important to not show fear.”

“I am a little to the right of … Why is the Attila comparison used? Fifth-century Hunnish depredations on the Roman Empire were the work of an overpowerful executive pursuing a policy of economic redistribution in an atmosphere of permissive social mores. I am a little to the right of Rush Limbaugh. I'm so conservative that I approve of San Francisco City Hall marriages, adoption by same-sex couples, and New Hampshire's recently ordained Episcopal bishop. Gays want to get married, have children, and go to church. Next they'll be advocating school vouchers, boycotting HBO, and voting Republican.”

“The observers had a logbook recording the assaults, bombings, and artillery attacks on the area. Each page was ruled in vertical columns: DATE, TIME, LOCATION, DAMAGE, CASUALTIES. The columns headed ACTION TAKEN BY THE UN were completely empty.”