Frases de Daniel Handler

“Y mi paraguas, lo extravié aquel día, ¿dónde está? Sé que lo llevaba por la mañana. Si lo tienes tú, Ed, devuélvemelo, porque me siento perdida sin él en los días lluviosos, aunque ahora estamos en diciembre, así que toca nieve, eso dicen, y un paraguas en una tormenta de nieve es ridículo, como un cinturón de seguridad si no estás en un coche, o un casco si no vas en bicicleta. Lo necesito igual que un pez, una bicicleta o comoquiera que sea el dicho, igual que el café tiene que tomarse solo, igual que a una virgen le hace falta un novio. Hay tantas cosas que nunca recuperaré…”

“No soy una enamorada, soy una tonta”

“No soy diferente, en absoluto, no soy distinta a otra mota cualquiera. Soy una imperfección imperfecta, una ruina ruinosa, unos restos manchados y tan destrozados que soy incapaz de descubrir lo que era antes.
No soy nada, nada de nada”

“¿No lo sabes…? Pero acabas… acabas de gastarte cincuenta y cinco dólares en este libro.
—Lo sé —respondiste—. No pasa nada.
—Pero ¿no sabes por qué?
—Para hacerte feliz —fue lo único que dijiste, y de repente, Ed, tus palabras me dejaron sin respiración.”

“Te ofrecí una aventura, Ed, justo delante de ti, pero tu no fuiste capaz de verla hasta que yo te la mostré, y por eso rompimos”

“Si existe alguna película que, con elegancia e imaginación, profundice en las violentas y delicadas verdades sobre el corazón humano, este humilde crítico aún no la ha descubierto.”

“Descubrí el reverso de la servilleta demasiado tarde, no cuando llegué a casa, ni cuando la guardé en la caja, sino cuando tenía el corazón destrozado y lloroso, cuando ya no era cierto.”

“Qué absolutamente erróneo es pensar que es de otra forma, que una caja de basura es un tesoro, que un chico que sonríe es sincero, que un momento agradable es una vida mejor.”

“Te quise y ahora te devuelvo tus cosas, las saco de mi vida como a ti…”

“Yo me voy con Jordan —dijo Lauren tomando la mitad del taco—. Prefiero no interferir en el festival de tensión sexual que Min y tú estáis disfrutando esta mañana.
—Todas las mañanas —corrigió Jordan.
—Para ti todo es consecuencia de la tensión sexual porque tus padres son el señor y la señora Supercristianos —le dije a Lauren—. Nosotros, los judíos, sabemos que las tensiones subyacentes se deben siempre a un nivel bajo de azúcar en la sangre.
—Sí, bueno, vosotros matasteis a mi Salvador — añadió Lauren, y Jordan se despidió con la mano—. No permitamos que ocurra de nuevo.”

“¿Einstein es homosexual?
- tenía pelo de marica”

“Afernadome a un chico que todo el mundo sabe que es un tarado, un bastardo, un imbecil y un cabron”

“Te devuelvo la sonrisa y aquella noche, te lo devuelvo todo. Ojalá pudiera.”

“Ed, así éramos nosotros, Al y yo. Nunca lo entendiste y yo nunca te conté realmente cómo funcionaba. La madre de Al nos comparó una vez con un viejo matrimonio y se rió cuando Al dijo:"Bueno, mamma, tú debes de saberlo".”

“Tartamudear contigo o incluso dejar de tartamudear y no decir nada era tan hermoso y dulce, mejor que hablar a mil por hora con cualquiera.”

“Te voy a explicar por qué rompimos, Ed. Te voy a contar en esta carta toda la verdad de por qué sucedió. Y la maldita verdad es que te quise demasiado.”

“Y comencé a hacer planes, pensando que llegaríamos tan lejos.”

“Cualquiera que conociese a Violet se hubiera dado cuenta de que estaba pensando intensamente, porque llevaba la larga melena recogida con una cinta para que no se le metiera en los ojos. Violet tenía el don de inventar y construir extraños aparatos, y su cerebro se veía inundado a menudo con imágenes de poleas, palancas y herramientas, y ella no quería que algo tan trivial como su cabello la distrajese.“ —”

“Es inútil que os describa lo mal que se sintieron Violet, Klaus y Sunny el tiempo que siguió. Si habéis perdido a alguien muy importante para vosotros, ya sabéis lo que se siente; y, si nunca habéis perdido nadie, no os lo podéis imaginar.”

“I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did.”

“How do you forget something? You just walk away from it, those who are still alive. There are so few clearings in our hearts and minds, so few places where something can't grow on top of whatever happened to us before, and this is love too.”

“Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is.”

“No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read. For instance, if you are walking in the mountains, and you don't read the sign that says "Beware of Cliff" because you were busy reading a joke book instead, you may suddenly find yourself walking on air rather than on a sturdy bed of rocks. If you are baking a pie for your friends, and you read an article entitled "How to Build a Chair" instead of a cookbook, your pie will probably end up tasting like wood and nails instead of like crust and fruity filling. And if you insist on reading this book instead of something more cheerful, you will most certainly find yourself moaning in despair instead of wriggling with delight, so if you have any sense at all you will put this book down and pick up another one. I know of a book, for instance, called The Littlest Elf, which tells the story of a teensy-weensy little man who scurries around fairyland having all sorts of adorable adventures, and you can see at once that you should probably read The Littlest Elf and wriggle over the lovely things that happened to this imaginary creature in a made-up place, instead of reading this book and moaning over the terrible things that have happened to the three Baudelaire orphans.”

“Halloween seems to last forever, until it is finally time to put on one's costume and demand candy from strangers.”

“Olaf: Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else. Ishmael outwitted me, and put me in this cage. But I know how to outwit him and all his islander friends. If you let me out, I can be king of Olaf-Land, and you three can be my new henchfolk.”

“Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the crimes, follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.”

“Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass.”

“I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy.”

“The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.”

“I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.”

“A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.”

“I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much.”

“It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world.”

“… the moron who thought love was forever.”

“You either have the feeling or you don’t.”

“Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to stop it all over again.”

“This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.”

“They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses.”

“This is love, to sit with someone you've known forever in a place you've been meaning to go, and watching as their life happens to them until you stand up and it's time to go.”

“I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.”

“Undeveloped, the whole thing, tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that's why we broke up.”

“A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says.”

“It is not the diamonds or the birds, the people or the potatoes; it is not any of the nouns. The miracle is the adverbs, the way things are done. It is the way love gets done despite every catastrophe.”

“Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.”

“Take it back, Ed. Take it all back.”

“who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.”

“… there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.”

“But it’s December now, and the sky is bright, and it’s clear to me. I’m telling you why we broke up, Ed. I’m writing it in this letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much.”